So today I texted my ex about a day I'd like off from babysitting his kids (I know that's all crazy in itself.. so I've been babysitting his kids FOR FREE during "his time" on 2 days of the 4 they're in his care because he works nights) We have 1 kid together, he has 3 with his ex. My kid is also his kid so it's easier to group them as 'his kids' for the purpose of explaining.

Another mom invited me to an event that falls on one of these days. Which he always said like "if you ever have something else going on just let me know and we make it work". So I told him like.. hey I have a thing going on November x, just let me know if you can make arrangements for the kids, so I can confirm my plans.

He said we'll call later. I told him, I really rather text because last time I had something going on you agreed on it and then backtracked because you didn't remember.

So he called me.

First we had a bit of an argument and he's fearful his ex will start shit or she'll call the cops on him if he asks his eldest to babysit (his eldest is 18) I told him like.. I understand, but truthfully, that is his time, and I'm letting him know way ahead of time and he should be looking into alternatives.

He complained about his financial situation - which I agree is not a positive one, but he's getting help for - and that he can't afford a babysit. I layed out his options for him.. like you can maybe ask this person or whatever because they're usually free on *day of the week*.

So eventually he started to cry about how he's losing things and doesn't want to live like this and he's not really getting by and this isn't living and not even surviving and how he did the work on himself and I still won't come back to him (mind you, he's been dating another woman for like.. 3 or even 4 months now) I told him how he does have *woman* now and I don't understand why he's asking me to come back and he said even if she weren't in the picture, you wouldn't come back - no I wouldn't - and that she's not really all that and that he doesn't really see it work. I told him that he shouldn't really lead her on then, that's not fair for her either. He told me he has no alternative.. I told him.. You don't really need an alternative. If she's not really your person.. just tell her, don't lead her on.

I feel bad.. idk what to do with this information..

@K

I think I feel more bad for the woman he's been seeing.. it doesn't really sit right with me.

But yeah.. no.. I really hadn't noticed.. it just felt like he needed someone to cry it out to.. which I allowed him the space to.. and that's it.. I know why I left him and manipulation was a really big one of the reasons.

@K (later reply)

Why I care for his children is because I was their stepparent for 10 years, I seperated from their dad, that doesn't make me suddenly not care about them.

@Nevada

His kids are 18, 15 and 12 (ours is 4) they are technically old enough to stay home alone except they don't get along. They need an external factor to make sure nobody gets hurt. Also their mom would make trouble about it.

@Mer

Thank you, that was very on point 👌

@UnicornsDoExist

I agree with you about most of what you said except asking his girlfriend. She hasn't met the kids yet because they haven't been together long enough and she has a whole own child as well.

Also the 15yo is currently a hormonal warzone who was already struggling with a mental disability, nobody thinks he's capable of babysitting.