Hello all, I had a very messed up day yesterday and I just need to vent also ask a question. This might potentially have mental health triggers, just a heads up**

My husband (27) and I (25) have been getting into frequent arguments lately due to his drinking problem he was trying to hide. I have 4 young kids (age 7 and under) from a previous relationship and currently pregnant with his child. I told him the drinking needed to stop for his health and the kids, or at least cut back and to get a job. I’ve been nice about it, offered help however I could, but nothing seemed to work.

I recently found out he has had suicidal tendencies and thoughts in the past and it usually gets worse with alcohol so that was another reason I wanted to help. The arguments had become too much and happening in front of my kids so I told him that we should consider divorce. I know some of you may think I gave up too easy but there were other things, like he sent inappropriate pictures of me to his friend. Also I asked that he not talk negatively about God in front of my children yet he disrespects that and still does.

So he asked me if he could just give me a day or two to think about it while he stayed with his sister to give me space. I said okay but I still think my decision stands. He was gone from 9/26-9/28. On 9/28 I took my children to see their father at the park in the morning because it was my son’s 4th birthday. When I got back home he was there and I told him that my decision was still the same. He then became manic and laughing like a maniac and hitting himself and grabbing onto me and telling me he was going to kill himself over and over again (i took an audio of this for my safety). I eventually walked past him out of the room to go check on the children and he followed me out and said “if Im gonna go out then I’ll go out with a bang” and walked into a spare room, at that moment I was scared for my kids and ran to them and told them to get out of the house. I didn’t even grab my purse or shoes, I just grabbed my keys. He then followed us into the garage holding my hunting knife and put it to his wrist and said “Oh y’all dont wanna be out here for this” and I yelled at my kids to get into the car. I didn’t even bother buckling their carseats I just wanted to get them to a safe place. As I drove off I called 911 and asked for medical and police. They arrived at my house and asked me to come back and park a few houses down while they talked him down. Of course he told them he never did any of that but they found the sheath of my knife where I said he threw it but they couldn’t find the knife. Also I told the police I had the audio so they got him in the ambulance and brought him to the hospital for a mental evaluation and admitted him to the mental ward unit and are not letting him leave. It also turns out he was very very drunk as they had to detox him.

The worst part is I thought my children didn’t see anything and I was relieved because I didn’t want them traumatized but turns out my 4 year old son saw him put the knife to his wrist.. I am absolutely mortified and I feel like a horrible mother..

Does anyone know if the state or cps is going to come and investigate since there were children involved? I have no issues against getting any of my kids counseling or therapy but I’m scared they’ll try to take my kids away. I’m probably just being paranoid.