Please someone read until the end 🥲

We’re having a girl due April 9th. We had a perfect boys name picked out but for the life of me I can’t find a girls. Before we started trying for kids I had a list of names I loved and definitely wanted to use. Irah being one of them, (I raise a Hallelujah being the acronym), it was my DREAM name for a girl.

Here’s where it’s tricky and I no longer like it.

I had Irah picked out with a few other middle names, BUT my fiance is dead set on the middle name being ‘Kay’ after his late grandmother. Mind you, his grandmother passed away when he was 11 and has very few memories with her but still adores her. Of course I want to honor his wishes and let him have this. Here’s my dilemma, I don’t like it. When I first was like oh yea we can do that, we had talked about using my late grandmothers first name and his late grandmothers middle name as two middle names together. So it would be ‘Naomi Kay’ which I think is pretty. He has now said he wants to do just Kay because we didn’t communicate to use both names and he doesn’t like two middle names, I said okay. I’m fine not having any family name of mine in the name because this is my child, not theirs so I was okay giving up her name.

I feel terrible and selfish if I tell him “I don’t like it” or “I don’t want to use it anymore”

I don’t like it because it’s too generic. It’s like I know about 5 people with that middle name and our baby won’t be special. I think it may be because I have no attachment to the name, I’m just using it to satisfy him. 2ndly, I HATE short names, I don’t know why I just do. My first name is 6 letters and my middle is 8 letters. I think it’s so pretty and works out well.

He agreed with Irah off the bat but now I can’t stand it. It would be Irah Kay Woods…which doesn’t sound bad. I just hate that I’m only naming her ‘Irah’ and the rest is basically be given to her. I hate that her first name would be 4 letters and her middle would be 3, i genuinely can’t get over it.

With that being said I’ve started to hate Irah since there’s not a long middle name it balance it all out. I’ve started looking for completely different names that are long and we can use a nickname with it. Except he hates all the names because they’re “too long” and one day I made a remark and said it’s because her middle name is too short and he said we already agreed.

I’ve tried to find ways for us to keep using Irah for the first and hopefully change his mind on the middle name. Not fully, I’m just thinking, okay how do we incorporate his grandma without fully just giving her name up. I have the alternatives of using ‘Kaydee’ or ‘Kayden’, just names that start with Kay but continuing it.

I literally sound like a terrible person, but I can’t attach to the name because I don’t like it and because I’m sitting here wondering what does his late grandmother have to do with our future family. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his family and doesn’t like talking to them. It’s not like our daughter will ever meet her and will hardly be around his family in general. I feel so selfish that I even think that because i don’t have to understand why he’s so attached, I just have to support him.

I don’t know what to do. I haven’t asked him about using the alternative middle names because im genuinely worried he’s going to immediately say no or ask why I’m trying to change the middle name.

I think the easiest thing is giving up the name all together and finding a long name I can use. Lord willing if he’ll agree on a name with me. At this point we’re just trying to find a first name to work around the middle name, which I don’t feel is right.

What would you do?