Stupidly Heartbroken

Long story short, my husband cheated on me from about January 2023-January 2024. It was horrible and embarrassing and heartbreaking. I knew from about May on, and I basically just let him do it (and by that I mean I screamed, begged, cried, etc.) and sat there totally frozen as it happened. Aka I took care of our kids, our home, finances, our life, while he took a year off to have some fun with a 21 year old girl doing drugs and getting drunk constantly. I had no reason to stay, but I did. For my kids, because I was so emotionally drained, because I actually care about him. For whatever reason, I stayed. But it about destroyed me and our family. I lost weight I didn’t have to lose, stressed more about money than ever before, wasn’t the mom I wanted to be. Now, almost a year later, it finally felt like we were getting back to a new normal and let it go. Until I found out tonight that last August he got that girl pregnant. It ended in a chemical pregnancy. But he didn’t tell me until now. And I’m so sad and angry. I feel even stupider because even after that, instead of it being a wake up call, he kept carrying this on with her for 6 months. I feel like such an idiot for letting this happen and now it’s like whenever I feel like I can maybe forget about it, there’s something new. I’m so tired.