my ex died and i cant be openly sad abt it bc itll upset my boyfriend

we hadnt talked in a year, i didnt even like him anymore, i actually kinda hated him, but since i got the news its like my chest is heavy,, he was so young. i guess i been thinking lately about how im at the age where death can happen at any moment, unexpectedly, n who really knows what happens next. he was so young, only 24, and ive tried to feel better but i cant just denie i feel sad about it, when i think how i dont have to worry abt running into him anymore, but i live with my boyfriend and hes my world, and he can see im sad a lil, and when he asks me i say just the same shit im usually sad abt... i gotta lie n suck it up bc itll just piss him off if i tell him im just sad my ex died..