Need advise!

So I’m a 27F and I dated my now husband 27M for five years before we married and now we have been married for 6 years. I married at 21 and we talked about having kids one day we talked about names and stuff but then something changed and he told me about how he doesn’t want kids because he didn’t feel financially stable we did live with his parents for a bit and at the time I didn’t want to have kids yet. Eventually 5 years into the marriage I came out to him as bisexual… but that I never explored that side because of my religious background… but he told me I want u to explore because I don’t want us to divorce or have any issues because you never got the change to explore that side of you. I did try it but then there was this one girl I like and he also liked I found out but I wasn’t jealous or anything … we all got close and my husband came out to me as polyamorous. The girl told me she was into me not him… I ended up finding out because she kissed me at bar and then ignored me for two days which made me feel like shit cause I felt like I did something wrong… I know it’s messy … well she and I had a talk and told me that I decided from that moment to just be her friend and only her friend… but my husband fell hard for her and I tried telling him that she doesn’t want what he wants but at the same time she also gave him wings because she would do things that made me question her comment of not being into him. One day he told me that he felt like he could see himself having kids with her because of how she’s determined to go after her ambitions… and it made me feel like shit cause he I’m not doing enough … I stopped going to school for him to go to school and I told the work load for two years ….and yet he made it sound like I need to do more … that comment has stuck with me and it hurt something in me as a woman but I’m so compassionate and patient that I tried to not let it get to me and I tried to understand where he was coming from. Year passed and Eventually she moved in with us because her mom was toxic and I wanted her to have a safe space and she just needed a bit more time to find a job… Me and her loved to do a lot of things together as friends … until one day she and my husband got into an argument .. she said she didn’t want issues and moved out and it was mind u im skipping a lot of drama as it is… we eventually cut her out of our lives and it really hit him hard and i was perfectly fine because i see it as friends come and go ….the point was that I always wanted to have kids one day and well because I haven’t finished my degree and I’m currently with no job and no car because of his family I can’t work or do anything. And now he said he doesn’t want to have kids because of how the government is going and the world is not a place for kids… he’s gone though so much that I can’t seem to want to hurt his feelings … and i realize I’m hurting myself but not telling him how I feel … but I feel like he’s not really giving me much of a choice last year we talked about divorce because he didn’t want kids and wanted to get a vasectomy… which he has yet to get but he is scared to get it because of me … he was also living in states away from me at that time for nine months as a medical traveling tech at that time…which he left for the money we needed but also to figure his feelings for her and this was before we stopped talking to her….which he told me he stopped having feelings for her when he got back … but at times I would question it … because one time we got all high and I went to the bathroom for a bit and they were alone and he told me he put his hand and rubbed her belly but “accident scrapped her underboob” and I got upset … like why was your hand under her shirt… I even told him like how would he like it if I did that to a guy I used to have feelings for and under our roof …he apologized later to find out she had a boyfriend and I was like if she had a boyfriend and let u go that far and to say it’s ok I didn’t feel bad Intensions is a problem….. I felt betrayed my my friend that I thought she was…. But regardless a few months ago … I told him I was thinking about divorce …and it scared him … and he confuses me I don’t think he knows what he wants because sometimes he’s like I do want to have kids with u but then something he hears something bad happening and he gets negative like I don’t wanna have kids because of this reasons… I done know what to do …