I don’t know what to do

Hi, I’d like to please not have too much judgment on what I’m going to write….I’ll make this as brief as I can.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years…I love him, but he’s so selfish and invalidating all the time….he’s essentially pushed me away.

I’ve tried so hard to communicate with him and it’s met on deaf ears and then he gaslights me that I’ve done everything and that I’m trying to be a victim.

He’s emotionally abusive and treats the idea of getting engaged as some sort of prize I need to win or “earn” as he puts it.

He constantly leaves me alone at his house to go drinking with his friends when I come to visit him and tells me to get over it if I get upset because it ruins our plans.

He doesn’t care about my family and tells me he’d rather drink with his friends (if they happen to be available) than come to a family function and that I’m difficult and a bad person every time I point out his wrong doings, or better yet, tells me to “get the fuck out of my house!”

Tells me I have no friends and it’s my own fault if I have a problem with him dropping everything we plan for his friends…yet I have 3 close friends and got rid of everyone else to make room for him in my life and hates if we do too many things with my friends (who actually invite him to things unlike his friends).

I tell him I want to settle down and build a life and he tells me I live in a bubble and that’s not the real world.

God forbid I blow up every now and then after holding everything in, then I’m even worse of a person and he’ll never let me forget.

He doesn’t even like saying he loves me…I feel like I have to force him! And he gets annoyed if he does!

He won’t communicate with me and he says I’m clingy if I want to talk with him on the phone but then cracks it if he has to text me. I hear from him twice a day! And if he talks on the phone for more than 10 minutes, he gets annoyed at me.

I won’t even get into how he still has his ex girlfriend on Facebook and they talk to each other from time to time and he doesn’t think I should have a problem.

He acts like he’s a 19 year old….I’m 30 and he’s 40!

His comeback to everything is he knows better than me because he’s older.

I’ve never felt so lonely in a relationship before.

Here’s the thing……This guy has recently asked me on a date that doesn’t know I’m in a relationship and he’s literally everything my boyfriend isn’t and is fulfilling my emotional needs that get neglected.

He actually wants to talk to me, and has the same morals and is looking to settle down.

I’ve NEVER even looked at another guy while in a relationship before, let alone talk to one let alone say yes to a date!!!

I feel so guilty, I know it’s so wrong and I know I should cancel and forget this even happened but part of me wants to see how I feel on this date as if I don’t feel bad it means I’m done with my boyfriend where if I do feel bad there’s something left in me to keep fighting for us.

What do you ladies advise?

Should I cancel?