So completely and utterly confused.

I just kinda need to rant about this to get it off my chest. So I have this friends with benefits we will call him John for privacy purposes. John has expressed multiple times I can’t catch feelings. He’s also ended our mutual agreement a few times, always coming back. He has never said “I want to come hook up.” It’s always “I wanna see you.” He has messaged me drunk a few times saying things like “You are so great, and I can’t be with you. I’m not good for you. I’m to far gone for someone like you.” He’s also done things here recently he’s never done in the beginning as well as asking question such as do I write about him, do I dream about him, do I have fantasy’s about him. Kissing me absolutely everywhere. In the middle of doing the deed telling me my body is his, and his is mine. And I feel like he’s giving mixed signals here. Sounds more like he is catching feelings and doesn’t know how to respond to it, or it scares him one. I don’t know. I’m confused. Like, I’m cool and perfectly fine with our little agreement because I’m definitely not ready for a relationship due to all the PTSD from the last one. But like with all these things, I’m like mega mega confused.