We’re having a girl and my partner revealed some misogynistic behaviour towards raising her

I (22f) and my partner (27m) are having a girl in August and just found out the gender last week. Everyone in my family and his wanted us to have a boy, I was undecided but nearer the date of the gender scan I was leaning towards girl especially because I decided on only having one child due to this pregnancy being unplanned and embracing motherhood way earlier than I wanted to (I wanted kids in my 30s). Irregardless I would be happy with either girl or boy, a baby is a baby.

When we found out at the scan he didn’t really say much after but didn’t seem excited like that. I asked him if he was disappointed and he said no. So I blamed his behaviour on the fact that we weren’t on the best of terms lately.

Fast forward to last night, in conversation he reveals that he was said that he didn’t get to relive his childhood with his daughter. I replied that shouldn’t be the case as girls are quite unbiased towards play meaning that you can do both doll/creative play as well as rough houses/outdoor play as I used to nanny during first year of university and I was a girl myself who has a little sister. He then went on to say that he will only let her play girl sports like volleyball, swimming and tennis and not basketball or American football/rugby and football as he didn’t want her to turn out as a dyke and wanted her to be feminine (really sorry if that offends anyone). I was utterly shocked. I turned to him and said do you think I’m feminine and he replied yes. I then went on to say do you realise that when I was a child I played so many sport such as swimming, basketball, netball and rugby and loved it whilst also playing outside on my bmx bike but also had a large barbie collection that I would dress up and do make up and my sister was the same. I also carried on and said that I couldn’t believe I was having a child with him and that regardless it child turned out to be a tomboy/“lesbian” or not it didn’t matter and to fuck the patriarchal standards as the girls I saw around me were all on a spectrum when it came to being feminine and playing sports and what the hell is being feminine anyways as it’s a social construct (degree coming in clutch) and that raising a girl that decenters men from her life and is secure and confident within herself is the way to go so that she doesn’t meet and cling to the first guy that gives her some form of affection and completely derails her life because of it. I want her to meet someone who loves and respects her.

I slept on the sofa disappointed in who I’d picked as a partner and future partner and he went to bed unbothered. I can’t look at him the same and genuinely feel embarrassed as he was more on the traditional side but never said misogynistic things like this before. We are both catholic and accepting of all walks of life and are pro choice.

I would like to add that he made me fall out with my best friend when we got together due to them being friends and involving her in his jokes about him and one of his friends being together (as they were linking) and she didn’t like it and I talked to him about it and told him to stop as she didn’t feel comfortable but due you meddling from other people she thought that he made a joke about her once more and we ended our friendship. The friendship break up left me heartbroken as we were like sisters and I didn’t want us to fall out over a guy but the meddling of other people strained our friendship and she would make disrespectful jokes about him in group settings in front of me. He still thinks that it wasn’t that’s serious and that they were jokes and gets upset when I bring up the part he played. He also revealed that he feels a lot of pressure in the relationship to take us out (we barely go out anymore) and to upkeep our relationship like groceries as we decided that he around pay for them as I am a student with a part time job. But lately due to him losing his job and finding another one, I have been paying for groceries for the past month.

I don’t know what to do and have been contemplating ending things here as he refuses to see how his actions affect me and I am seeing how sexist he actually is and how well he’s hide it and it makes me sick.