Emotionally unavailable throught our pregnancy

I’m now 36 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy hasn’t been easy to say the least. I was told from the get go expect to miscarry, then expected a preterm baby to now expect preeclampsia. I’m due a scheduled c-section next week. I’m both excited to get baby out so I can feel normal and start feeling independent again, and I’m dreading it as my first birthing experience was God awful and left me with post natal depression.

My husband has basically ignored me throughout the pregnancy from the first trimester of throwing up all night and morning, he could hear me but just wouldn’t check if I’m ok or even offer a glass of water he’d pretend not to hear. Long story short now we are a week away from having our second baby I was sat in bed feeling sick, achy and finding it difficult to move to get comfortable. I just burst into tears which I know is the hormones. I don’t know why I’m shocked that he just ignored me and went really quiet and didn’t try to console me or cuddle me. It’s been like this the whole pregnancy. I honestly feel like leaving him because I’ve give him 10+ years of my life. I show nothing but support to him in his career, I’ve gave money to support him. He talks about himself, his career, his car, his money. Nothing is ‘we’ or ‘us’. I’m just sick of him. He doesn’t know how to deal with our 3 year old he’s so harsh with our little boy always making him cry and annoying him to point our son cries and screams. I just feel like having this baby and leaving.

I’ve voice ld these concerns to him but I get nothing in return, I even wrote him a letter saying there I could do better and that I’m

Happy to both admit our faults and build together for each other. He hasn’t changed. He promised me he’d speak to the doctor because he thinks he has ADHD. It’s been nearly 9 months of me waiting for the appointment to happen. He didn’t support me through my weight loss journey (I lost 25kg) I begged him to quit smoking with me. He didn’t. I begged him to eat better with me and encourage on another, he didn’t. He just wants to work work work and leave all the emotional responsibilities like maintaining a marriage and a relationship with his child.

I’m sorry for ranting I acknowledge I extremely pregnant and hormonal but I just feel at the end of it all. I know what to expect when the new baby is here. All the breastfeeding, the lack of sleep etc etc it’ll be me doing that with no support. As it was the first time round I just feel so much resentment towards him and I hate carrying this around. Why should I have this burden of a feeling on me when I’m about to have such a beautiful little baby and my boy is going to have a sibling. I should feel full but I don’t. I feel despair.

Sorry and thank u for reading. If u have any advice or just want to chat I’d appreciate it. 💕