Can I release some stress please.

As I rock my son to sleep I can’t help but think about the future and what kind of man he’ll be. My son is only 11 months old and I know I’m going to raise him to be nothing like his dad. I want him to have no attribute of his dad. I want to raise him to be gentle, kind and patient and respectful. Everything that his dad is not.

I am sick as a dog with severe back and pelvic pain and having episodes of my SVT so my heart rate is 120 lying down. But his dad who I unfortunately call my husband couldn’t care less. In fact he was upset that I didn’t make dinner today and told me that I was a bad wife and complained about how I should’ve just “roughed it out” to make him dinner even though I said sorry and told him I didn’t cook because I was unwell. He throws a temper tantrum about how he’s just supposed to starve now because I didn’t cook. He locks himself in the room and takes NyQuil to go to bed.

I have a fever, a high heart rate, a really bad cough and severe back and pelvic pain. And I’m left to tend to both kids who are 2 under 2 by myself and I can barely even stand up straight. I can’t even go to the hospital if I wanted to because he took NyQuil and won’t be able to tend to the kids if they needed him..

I feel crazy being in this marriage, he doesn’t help. He doesn’t cook or clean he hardly ever helps with the kids I can’t even remember when was the last time he gave either of them a bath. all he does is work his 8 hour shifts from 6:30a-3:30p come home shower eat poop and sleep. And regardless if I’m well or not or if I had a hard day with the kids or not I’m expected to do everything on my own.

I love going to work when I can I work PRN (as needed) because we have no child care. because it gives me a chance to have a break from the kids and most importantly from him and his shit house.