Why do I do this to myself?

Anyone else feel like every month is another punch to the gut when you get negative after negative? My husband and I have been trying for 6 months, not LONG I know but long enough, and I always get my hopes up, especially when I see that little shadow that just ends up being an indent line. Im currently 10 DPO (based on LH strip) and nothing but indent lines. I had intermittent cramping 6-8 DPO, which is new, and this month feels different but I just feel so defeated. I know im still early but I have an issue with testing, I tell myself no but still have to, and I just break my own heart. I already have a 14 month old little boy who is my heart and soul but I yearn for another so badly!