36 Weeks , Having a horrible time

Hi, so sorry this is so long..

my husband walked out on my toddler and I earlier this week & I’m now 36 weeks today. In short, my husband is a narcissist and I gave him too much control because I just wanted it family to work. Last month I had a dr appt. on the 9th in which I scheduled without my husband’s input (which he view as disrespectful) but my dr be booked and busy & I don’t want to see anyone else in the office but I did make it known to him on March 28th that I set the appt along with multiple reminders leading up to the date. Anyhow, this caused a disagreement the day of the appointment and ultimately I emotionally shutdown. I got tired of the mental abuse, I hate how he talks to me, and he’s not entirely supportive. He’s a wonderful father & great provider but the emotional support is non existent.

A few days after I shutdown, I sent him an email just expressing how I have felt overtime, things he’s done to hurt me etc, no response. I give it a few days & try to talk to him & he’s just throwing the fact that i shutdown in my face and isn’t taking any accountability for the things I have mentioned. By shutting down, I hadn’t been in the mood to cook, clean, barely had the energy to care for our toddler, didn’t want to leave the house for anything & so on. Very much depressed. So anyhow, I try to pull myself together but that only made me irritable and angry.

Around April 18th, I chose to reach out to my sisters via Instagram just to smile again/have someone to talk to. Mind you my husband doesn’t want me talking to them nor on social media but at this point he hasn’t had an actual conversation with me for over a week now & I’m a stay at home mom in a new state, no friends at all, just my toddler and I 25/8.

So on the 28th, my husband tells me that I will no longer have the chance to disrespect him (speaking on his I’m contacting my sisters/on social media) much longer. I keep talking to my sisters anyhow bc tbh, it’s the only thing keeping me sane.

I reach out to my husband’s sister on May 4th & I simply ask her if there is a way to communicate my feelings/needs to my husband to get him to understand because he’s threatening to walk away & I don’t want that. She then calls him and he gets on the phone bad talking me the whole time, making it seem like I’m the problem but again, he’s a narcissist. I never said anything bad about him to his sister, I just simply asked if there’s a way to communicate better. I tried to talk to my husband after he got off the phone with his sister being that I overheard some of their convo and in the end he basically said I need to figure out my life bc our marriage is pretty much over & he’s only here to meet our son or whatever.

So on the 5th, his sister calls me that morning, ofc on his side saying that I need to fix the relationship and stop disrespecting him, blah blah blah but I mean for months on end I did everything this man asked plus some but it never changed the way he’d treat/talk to me. Anyhow, later that day I went for a walk, my husband and daughter were napping so I just slipped out the back door bc I was starting to cry and just needed fresh air. I stayed out for about an hour and 30 min before coming back and the moment I did, my husband 1. had locked me out the house & 2. basically had what was important to him packed up & asked “did you leave this home without telling me where you were going?” & I answered yes which again is disrespect in his eyes but at the same time he had just broken off our marriage verbally the day before so I didn’t think it would matter… narcissism.

So fast forward, here we are today, I’m officially 36 weeks and I cannot handle this stress. I’m depressed as hell, he hasn’t paid our rent, not sure if he will, caring for my 2 year old is SO hard, & I’m doing everything I possibly can to try to

figure things out but it’s so overwhelming. I want him to come back, at least for a while but would it be stupid to ask that of him? I went to the hospital for my mental earlier this week bc I was having suicidal thoughts but due to not having anyone to keep my daughter, I had to be a bit sane so they wouldn’t take her which landed me right back home. I have a therapist already, spoke with emergency services to possibly get another & a psychiatrist. I’ve reached out to a few programs that may help prevent eviction but nothing is set yet. I’m also on a shelter waitlist which may be forever until I’m placed bc the lady said there are 27 other families ahead of me and some have been waiting since October of last year. I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost a year now, no car now that my husband is gone, no family or friends out here at allll & again, I’m 36 weeks pregnant with a 2 year old.. I know I can do without him but under these circumstances, it’s just very bad timing. And no, even going back to my hometown wouldn’t help being that the support system is very limited out there as well. I wouldn’t have a safe/secure place to live there either so I’d rather just try to make it work here.

If I ask him to come back, I’ll be very direct and explain that I just really need his help right now but it’s irritating because I know that he already knows that so idk. Any advice? Words of encouragement? Know of any resources? I live in Alexandria VA…

Edit to Chantelle comment: I would only ask him to come back to handle things financially for at least this month/help with our toddler. I can’t handle the stress of dealing with all of this right now. My mother should be coming up here in the next few weeks before I deliver (due date June 6th) so I mean he could leave then. Honestly he doesn’t even have to come home, I just need to know that he’ll pay the bills or something bc rn it’s just all too much to handle alone. I can start making preparations as I have but with the baby coming soon, moving anywhere else in these next few weeks isn’t ideal. Having to figure out how to pay this month and next month rent knowing I have no source of income, no childcare, & a newborn coming soon isn’t ideal. Caring for my toddler, while trying to figure all this out, get a grip on my mental health, & prepare for baby boy’s arrival is just too overwhelming. I just need some type of assistance & time to prepare better. The marriage is done, I don’t want to be with him just as much as he doesn’t want to be with me but the timing is just so unfortunate. I do blame myself because common sense would have left sooner but my dumbass was trying to make it work. Anyhow, these are the circumstances now. I’ll look into Oregon, thanks.