NEED ADVICE: Clit trauma/difficulty with sex

TW: blood, scar tissue, trauma, sex, SA

To preface, I’m sorry if this is all over the place. I’m just trying to get all of my thoughts out somewhere in hopes of feeling less alone and to get a plan where I’ll feel more comfortable in my body. Thanks for reading.

About 2 years ago, some way somehow, my ex-bf’s finger slipped and stabbed me full force on my clit. It was, and still remains, one of the most mortifying incidents of my life. It was an accident, and I was gushing blood since the clit is super vascular. I remember being in his bathroom trying to self-soothe and get help from my friends while he did nothing and cried like he was the victim outside of the closed door. He couldn’t look at me and did nothing to help. He didn’t even check on me when I left with my friends. Long story short, I broke up with him not long after that. At the time, I did not go to the hospital, as the bleeding did subside, and I stayed over a friend’s place for comfort. I don’t remember how long it took for the area to heal — I don’t think it was long — but I remember it looked like there was a small chunk of skin missing near my clit. It turned grey before it healed + now you can’t really see it.

Now some additional context as to why I’m not really familiar with my lady bits and have in recent years gotten a lot more comfortable: the first relationship I ever had became verbally and sexually abusive (coerced to have sex when I didn’t want to) to the point where I found myself blocking out genital parts all together during and after the relationship, feeling disgusted at the thought of looking at myself or thinking of giving myself pleasure. This was 5 years prior to the clit incident. When I was sexually active with the guy who hurt my clit, I had just started masturbating with a toy and still didn’t really look at myself too much when I did it. This was a really big deal for me. After I broke it off with him, I was celibate for 2 years. The last image I had of doing a sexual active was when I was bleeding all over the place. Safe to say, I didn’t want anyone near my vagina.

Now, I’ve been seeing a fantastic guy. He doesn’t make me feel like an object, which is new for me. And I’ve been initiating everything (I told him I had to start that way for now). That being said, I’ve been a lot more sexually active with myself. Been masturbating and recently had him touch me. But now my clit has been a bit sore for like 3 days. I noticed that it goes back and forth from being too sensitive and not sensitive enough when I touch myself. It’s like a mixed bag. Then, I did a bunch of research recently on clitoral adhesions. I looked at myself in the mirror (sounds weird, but this is the first time I thought to take a much closer look) and could see that I might have that, or it could just be how my clit has normally looked with a bit of trauma from that incident. The issue is that I haven’t really looked close enough + regularly to know if there’s an issue. Maybe sensitive scar tissue or something. Should I go to the doctor about this? I don’t even know what they’d do. The sensitivity isn’t too bad, and I’m not going to touch myself for a few days. I think it could be from him being a little too rough, but I asked for that because that pressure has gotten me to orgasm before. I was able to orgasm by myself not long before (a few days before seeing him), multiple times with ease. I’ve never masturbated this much/been in the mindset of being a sexually active person, so I don’t know if it’s normal to need a few days break from being sore in between being active. I know everyone is different. And I think this time with him it’s harder because it’s more pressure with a person. I’m honestly just ranting at this point + just want to know if anyone here has dealt with a similar incident/has advice.