What have I done?

Question

I've always said if I have a baby, my baby is going to have her daddy right next to her mommy. I want my baby to have a daddy and mommy that are together, not going back and forth from house to house. I had to deal with that when I was a kid and it sucked. I grew up to end up just hating my real dad. I don't want our baby to hate either of us. I'm just so stuck because I think I need to leave my baby daddy, all we ever do is fight and fight and fight. I'm a "cunt" I'm a "bitch." Hes probably told me at least 3 times, whenever he's gotten mad to "get an abortion". That shit hurts, it's fucked up. I know he just says it because hes mad and wants to hurt me. But it's sick. All I've been doing is stressing and crying because I have no faith in us anymore. And everytime I try to have faith or try to fix things, it just all gets torn apart again.

Answer

Having an absent father is better than having an abusive one. At the very least, get your partner into counseling. If he is legitimately not ready for this, or unwilling to even try, then you've done what you could and should probably follow your protective instincts. Don't model a broken relationship for your child - he or she will grow up to look for the same thing. Do you want that?

Answer

I understand you want your kid to grow up with both a mom and a dad around. But having a HEALTHY family dynamic is SO much more important! That means if he's being verbally abusive to you (which he is) then he will do that in front of and to your child. I'm sure any mother in her right mind would rather her child be raised in a healthy and happy environment.

Answer

I grew up in a house with parents who had violent screaming fights. I have seen my mom hit my dad with a cane and my dad run a round the house at 3 am knocking over furniture because he thought my mom was out messing around. Anyway me and my siblings all wished growing up that they would just get a divorce. It would have been better for everyone. So I guess my point is sometimes separated or divorced parents is better than parents that hate each other or are abusive.

Answer

Been there, done that. Eventually enough is enough & you have to do what's best for your child now.... As much as you would like to be a complete family... It could be better off without the fighting around the child. Sounds like he has some growing up to do :/ I wish you the best

Answer

I had this with the father to my two boys I already have. He was verbally abusive to me and with the second pregnancy it became physical. I tried and tried as I grew up with a broken home but it got worse and worse. In the end he smashed a glass bottle across my face and I had to flee with a 9 month old baby and 2 year old to a woman's refuge. Hardest thing I ever did but so glad I got out of it. My boys are now 4 and 6 years old and don't remember any of it thankfully. I'm now 19 weeks pregnant with my partner of 2 years and he is the most kindest man ever he has never once called me any of them words you used, not even sworn at me as he has to much respect for me.  and the boys are both looking forward to being big brothers. ??

Answer

I also grew up in a divorced household going back and forth,  although I was the weird one glad her parents weren't together anymore as they were absolutely miserable together.  I had two beautiful children with my high school sweetheart/first husband.  We wanted what we didn't have which was a two parent household for our children.

Long story short after almost eleven years together we divorced.  I am now remarried and my children are not unhappy at all.  Both father figures are loved and my daughter who we all thought was behind before has absolutely flourished since we met my husband.  Sometimes what you think is a negative turns into a positive.  And my mom didn't meet her now husband until I was 15 and I am forever thankful for the time I did have just me and my mom and cherish it.

Answer

I wanted a happy hope for any babies that I had. A loving mum and dad. But the baby daddy no longer feels ready for children. I'm currently 22 weeks with twin boys. I've moved back in with my parents as well. At first I was shattered. But now, I know I can give my baby boys so much love and care for them better being out of the relationship I was in.

Answer

Hun u need todo what's right for u and ur baby 
​I know it's hard but he has no right to talk to u like that at all yeh my partner has said get rid of it once but not more then once we fight and argue mainly because my mood levels are crazy at the moment so I blame myself for that but don't let him ruin ur happiness if u need to leave him then do it or try couples councilling to try save ur relationship 
​I wish u all the best and without him or with him I'm sure ur be a great mum

Answer

You don't deserve that and neither does your baby. Been there and I had to do what was best. I left. It was hard but it was for the best in the end. I'll be praying for you and if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you! You can get through this! Be strong. For you and your precious little one.

Answer

I was 18 when I had my first and was disrespected by my son father, though my mother and father was divorce. I didn't want a relationship like them nor did I plan to be a single parent, but that was my outcome. I don't know what your support system is like for me it was hard. I didn't have a baby shower I brought everything! My mom help and my sister somewhat. I'm not sure where you are from but in Maryland their was a program for first time mom that gives you information, support and resources up until the child is 5. Check your local area to see what out there to help. You don't need him, if he not changing for you he won't change when the baby gets here. Best of wishes to you

What have I done?

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