Confused... and need help

To make a really long story short I'm going to sum up a little bit of mine and my husband's relationship early weeks into our relationship before marriage. We keep getting into arguments about it now and I can't seem to get some of it out of my head. It's putting a huge gap in our marriage to the point where I'm not sure if we are going to make it out.

Our first week of "dating" I found out he had gone to a party and his ex gf was there and that they ended up making out.

I had found this out bc that weekend I had slept over at his house and he'd been texting her that he "went for a run". When hours passed and he didn't text her she called but he was with me needless to say he let me pick up the phone I found things out. At the time he had to take me home because I didn't want to be there anymore. He repeatedly apologized. Eventually I gave in not because I was weak but because in my eyes we weren't anything official and just started seeing eachother I didn't see it being that wrong to kiss your ex. Maybe he had to see how he felt, but as for the texting part there was no proof on either end.

Later on he did some stupid stuff that I forgave him for but nothing relevant to this story. Lol (but don't all men?)

Anyways fast forward to 2 years being together 1 year of that marriage. We are on vacation for our anniversary things are tense between us because we've been in the car for 24 hours straight. Things were tense at home before we left for "my nagging and his laziness" and I did this and he did that... blah blah blah so this road trip was suppose to help.

Well things really escalated and at this point in our relationship and fights it's gotten so bad that his first thing he goes to is he wants a divorce. But after he says that this time he tells me how on our first date when he dropped me off I wouldn't have sex with him he went and got a blow job from his ex.

Since that day in April when he told me this I can't get it out of my head. I push it aside and think maybe he told me because he was mad at me or maybe because he needed to get it off of his chest. But now to me our first date means nothing to me... and that's where he proposed to me. I know that isn't where he took her for that but it's the concept I guess.

That same day he told me how when we were official dating he went to six flags with his friend and friends gf. They got in because friends girlfriends older sister got them in for free and didn't want to be a third wheel so friend invited him while I was at work. Therefore making that a double date.

Last night I had a dream about it all like a flashback and woke up at 330 am looking for comfort from him. I just wanted to be cuddled but when I told him he just said he's so sick of this. Now we are fighting again and he wants a divorce. But he sounds for sure about it. Lately when we fight he tells me he hates me... I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I wanted my first marriage to be my only but this feels like a lot of baggage to carry.

Since then I've been really jealous and he says it's too much.