When should I be feeling better?

Question

I found out I was having a missed miscarriage on Christmas and had a D & C 4 days later.  I am absolutely devastated, but trying to put one foot in front of the other.  I am managing to go to work and do housework and everyday mundane things, but socializing is still hard.  I was told the other day that I need to "suck it up" (in regards to missing a social event) and I was just wondering....should I be pushing myself to do more? I thought I was doing ok, but now I feel like I should be more back in the swing of things....

Answer

There is no time limit on grief. It took me almost two and a half months to feel somewhat normal and in a mental space to deal with people socially. Pregnancy loss is tough and I realized after having my first miscarriage that most people do not understand what we go through unless they have experienced it. Sorry for your loss and prayers for healing. It will get easier but be loving, patient and kind to yourself through the process.

Answer

You will start feeling better when you start feeling better. The person who told you to "suck it up" should be told that he or she is a jerk. I had my D&C on December 14th and felt pretty much destroyed for two weeks. Seeing my doctor for a follow up and getting my period actually helped bring some closure but on Friday night (two days ago) I broke down in tears and all of the ugly hurt was back in my head and heart. That is all to say that you WILL feel better at some point and probably have bad days occasionally even after things feel normal; however, how long that takes can't be scheduled. Take care of yourself and if you are really feeling lost or adrift, see a counselor. Best of luck and lots of hugs.

Answer

Don't push yourself. Take it day by day and so what makes you feel comfortable. If sucking it up is your way to deal, then do that. You are entitled to feel however you feel and deal with it how you feel best. Everyone is different and no one has the right to tell you how to feel! I had a miscarriage the day before Thanksgiving and still have days where it's hard, but for the most part I'm getting by and looking forward to the future.

Answer

It's different for everyone and no one should tell you how to heal. My doctor told me that if I was still crying everyday a month later to call her. It's been two months now, and it's still really hard to think and talk about but day to day things are getting easier, it's not on my mind all day anymore. I have a really hard time talking about it but I needed to get my thoights and feelings out, so I started writing in a journal - just try to find something to help you heal and allow yourself time!

Answer

I had a "natural" miscarriage Dec. 1st at 6weeks - so more or less as early and physically "easy" as it gets. It was still 3 weeks before my hormones were back to normal and I'm still hit or miss in social settings with anyone that doesn't know what happened (i.e. everyone but very close friends).

Getting through my first period and knowing I was at least physically back to normal did help a bit, but it was hard to explain to my husband why I was SO upset when, in his mind, we'd only been pregnant a week.

It finally clicked with him when we discussed my "rules" for TTC again. I wanted him logging in Glow as well - I needed him to know what it felt like to have to consider myself as pregnant 24/7 even if we didn't know for sure. He said it never really occurred to him that I'd been living with assuming I'm pregnant just to be safe for weeks beforehand and that no wonder I was upset to have that confirmed and then taken away.

Due for my first AF after being back TTC tomorrow. Hoping for the best, but bracing myself for feeling like I'm reliving the miscarriage.

Answer

Girl you take as long as you need!! Everyone is different! It's been 3 weeks since my mmc and d&c and I have left my house 2x....I'm just not not ready to be in large groups of people yet...I've forced myself to get together with family and close friends...I still cry randomly over lots of things...but I'm not crying all day everyday anymore...one day at a time. That's all we can do...thinking of you...xo

Answer

It's only been a week and I'm not sure if it's hormones trying to get back to normal or me not dealing with things well. I go from zero to crying then mad at the world. I'm trying not to take it out in my husband but when he's just looking at me when all I want is someone to comfort me I snap.

Answer

I wonder myself if it would be better if I just left these apps and tried to swipe everything under the rug. Sometimes the more I let myself feel sad, the sadder I get. It's been only a few days for me, and for now, I'm obsessed with the grief and loss groups and the only people I want anything to do with are women who went through this, so I "live" on my phone now.

I don't think that anyone gets this if they hadn't lived it. I didn't quite get it before. It seems to many people that we lost something that we never quite fully had, so the loss makes more sense to them. ("It's better it had left now than later if it had health problems." "Once you give birth to a baby, you'll be glad that it's THAT baby" etc etc.) People try to make it better and they say very stupid things. Not even my husband gets it. This shouldn't happen to anyone. Take care.

Answer

Thank you so much.  It has been 5 weeks and I am still crying almost every day.  Trying to be patient with myself.

When should I be feeling better?

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