You can judge me all you want...
Anything anyone says to me can't compare to how I'm feeling right now...
I don't want my children...
It's not that I don't want them but I feel as if I am not a good mother. Im married. We have a 2 year old boy and I am pregnant with my second boy...
I lose my patience easily with our son. Sometimes I just want to throw him against a wall because of how nasty and disrespectful he is. He slaps me in the face. Tells me to shut up. Punches me. Kicks me. I never put my hands on him and prefer the time out method but sometimes I just wanna go nuts and throw him.
I'm crying my eyes out while I write this.
I'm 6 1/2 months pregnant & I feel like if I can barely take care of one child.. What makes me think I could even take care of 2?
My husband helps out but not nearly as much as I'd like. And then when it's me doing everything and I'm beyond tired, I get yelled at that I'm lazy.
I try my best to be the best mother and wife.
I really do try.
When I was little, I couldn't wait to grow up, get married, & have children.
But why should I be allowed to have children when i have no patience with my own son?
I don't deserve to be a mother.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and do it all over again.. Without having my son. And without getting pregnant again
I don't want to be a mother anymore.
I don't want to go through the constant ache of not feeling like I'm good enough. As a mother and a wife.
My whole life I never felt like I was good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough...
I'm sorry for the long post but idk what else to do.
I wish I was strong enough.
I am thinking about giving my son that I'm pregnant with up for adoption... I don't deserve him. I don't deserve my 2 year old either. I don't deserve their unconditional love. I don't deserve love, period.
What do u do when the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders and u have no one to talk to and no one to listen?
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