Scared to test

I've convinced myself so many times over the last few months that it was going to be THE month only to be disappointed. I miscarried in October and have kept myself from crumbling with hope for a new chance. I try not to symptom spot but I can't help it. I have honestly been sure I was going to get a positive the last three cycles only to be disappointed. I'm 12 dpo today and my breasts have been achey, nipples tender, some cramping and extremely tired. I'm so scared my mind is just playing tricks on me again. Anyone else scared to see another bfn?