TWW=impatience and paranoia

This tww thing is killing me. I keep thinking that maybe by now (been trying for a year) i would be better at handling the suspense. Wrong. Due for AF on the 28th. Our anniversary is the 25th, and it would be so wonderful to gift him with the news of a bfp. Had a super weak moment and tested a few hours ago. Of course it was a bfn. Why did i waste the strip?!?!  Grrrrr