Wow! I hate myself when I

When I have a sudden change of heart smh and for the wrong people too!! 
F****!!! 😡
I just started thinking if I should let my sons father know when I'm in labor
I had made up my mind not wanting him there due to the fact that last time we spoke which was about a month ago I asked if he was gonna be there and he said he didn't have to answer me which to me meant no but what the hell would I know what that even means !!? In my heart I felt like that was a clear no but dude changes his mind overnight like hes bipolar. But anyhow he hasn't bothered to reach out to talk to me since last month told me he didn't care about me so to me is why would he care when I'm in labor ? Since it has to do with me he doesn't see it the other way around. I'm just so afraid of the fact that I'm in active labor and let's say I personally call him and he 1.) doesnt answer 2.) won't care 3.) will hang up 4.) will respond with "so what do you want me to do" 
I DO NOT NEED THE FEELING OF REJECTION DURING ACTIVE LABOR IT WILL SERIOUSLY MESS WITH ME IN SO MANY WAYS and I need to be focused in laboring calmly and stress free and that will be the total opposite
Opinions please? What should I do? Please be honest 
What would you ladies do if you were in my place ?
I hate the feeling of 'guilt' knowing I could've just tried and maybe he would want to be there but my head isn't letting me think straight 
I need to learn to put my pride aside but I just don't know 😪