Throwing in the towel....

Am i the only one.... That hates sex because the husband and i always fight about it. I have no sex drive anymore i guess never really did. Im on the pill but i dont want him to go inside with out a condom... Idk y im so head strong about it... I know the pill covers. Me but i dont trust it completely alone. Every since we got married almost 4 years ago the fun we had before we were married has been no where to be found. We have no kids yet and probably never will because of me.

Idk y i dont like sex probably because i live in fear of surprises and i hate surprises..lol. I have a feeling he wont stay with me because he wants kids and im afraid and i dont care about our love life because i don't meet his needs and try to start anything sexual. My cycle is supposed to start this comming week... I give ☝ on everything. Ill be 27 and he will be 28 this year. I wanted to see a therapist to figure stuff out bit he said i dont need it its too expensive.. Its only a 30. Copay everytime.... Hate my life sometimes and no i dont have suicidal thoughts....