Moving on

When I was 17, my virginity was stolen from me, the next relationship I was in (2years of my life) I was with a man who mentally manipulated and eventually hit me, the man after him got me stuck and took advantage of me, the next guy was controlling and mentally abusive. Now I am with my best friend who helped me out of 3 of those situations, he didn't know me for the first. Last night he got to see first hand how deep the scars go, he was patient and gentle but i can't help it. Something has shifted now and I can't help but feel the need to push him away. I love him.