Am I overreacting?

Question

Recently my husband and I moved to a new house about a month and a half ago. We have a 2 year old son and also baby #2 due in June. We are currently still renting. We have some friends who are a couple -who my husband is much closer with than me- who were in a bad roommate situation and asked to move in with us... I didn't really want them to -I like my own space, I grew up jumping home to home to home and I didn't want two other people moving In and making it seem like it's not my home anymore or act poorly around our son- but I wanted to help out friends.. So I said yes, along with rules. The Basics- no smoking, drinking, or any kind of Inappropriate behavior around our son. And letting us know when they have company and no excessive company. Mainly because I don't want my kids around a bunch of strangers I don't know. Anyways, they moved in, there were a few kinks and meltdowns- on my part- at first but it all got straightens out. Well this past weekend we went out of town for Easter because all of my husband s family lives out of town. Well we have motion cameras at our front door, to know when someone is here. We think they forgot about them because while we were away, they had a small party. Drinking, smoking, ect. And had one guy sleep over. They didn't ask, didn't tell us. I just woke up to 20 notifications on my phone that there were people going in and out of my house all night. We came home that day and was going to give them the Benifit of the doubt-see if they say anything. They didn't. When we asked what they did on Easter and Easter night they just said "oh nothing, it was pretty borning" at that point my husband got pretty ticked off. He finally found a moment to confront Them about it and they got super defensive and said that it was my fault they didn't tel us. Because "we knew tiff would freak out if we told y'all" and saying that this is their house to and they should be able to do what ever they want..  When my husband told me I got so angry. I wouldn't have been nearly as mad if they would have simply asked! But they didn't! And then lied about it! I'm just so angry. They do pay rent but when they moved in, my husband made it very clear that this is OUR house. Not theirs. They are simply living with us. They pay rent to us. We pay $2700 in bills total and they pay us $600 in rent. Don't do their own dishes, clean up their messes or anything. They think I'm a personal maid. I have a full time job and this just isn't what I need at 27 weeks pregnant! My husband seems to think I'm overreacting but I just wanted a second opinion.. I mean throwing a party in the house when we leave town, not ask, then lie about it? Oh! They also left a huge red stain on the new white carpet in the living room that I'm going to have to pay to get fixed so we don't loose our deposit on our house. Ok, rant over..

Answer

Wow! You're more mature than I'll ever be, id have thrown their belongs out and thrown them out as well with no regrets. You're not overeating at all 🙄

Answer

I wouldn't have let them move in.  I would have let them stay a night or maybe even a week,  but if they can pay you 600 in rent they can find their own place.  It just might not be the nicest. My husband would agree with me.  Temporary help but not taking in roommates!

Answer

Put them the hell out

Answer

I would nut the f**k up! They would have to go!

Answer

I'd kick them out and make them pay to fix the carpet.

Answer

Be careful. If you're renting and have others living with you paying rent that the landlord doesn't know about you could be kicked out! Also, this isn't acceptable I would demand they fix the carpet (their fault) and have them move out. They hid things and lied. They will do it again and probably have done it before!

Answer

To anyone out there who wants to help out their friends but is trying to raise a family, do anything but let them move in. Give them money,  a car, cook them meals....anything but give up your space where you can be a family. I have done this, and it was a huge strain on our relationship. She interfered with my schedule, my parenting and my marriage and didn't even mean to. It just happened because she shared my living space. If you value your friendship don't put it through this.

Answer

Nope. Kick them out. My fiancé's brother used to live with us for three weeks initially. That turned into three months and he did as he pleased and not pay a single bill or rent. That ended. Then fiancés friend used to come over all the time after work. He would fall asleep every single time and just stay here without asking and said he didn't feel like going home. That also ended. We do not let people live with us because eventually you get tired of their shit and living habits. No one has stayed at our house in almost two years.

Answer

I have been in sooo many situations like this... My dad used to be a pastor and his heart is so kind and my mom has always taught me how hard life is on so many people and, not complaining bc I appreciate who I am in a cold world, but they both caused me to be a ball of sympathetic mush! I've taken so many people in and it's like they are ALWAYS disrespectful, you are always cleaning up after them, they take take take sometimes even physically steal from you! It is wonderful to have such a kind heart and it is admiring that you guys would do such a selfless deed and welcome them into your home but take it from me.. You just cannot bring people into your home. You can feed them, clothe them, help them to get where they need to be and even let them stay a day or two if it's absolutely needed but you cannot let them move into your home unless you are really in for an ongoing battle. No matter how close, how much you love them or how well you've always gotten along- when you have a family the roommate thing it just doesn't work. Sometimes you just have to wonder why they don't have their own set-up. Is it actually because they just hit a rough patch of is it just because they'd rather let someone else carry all the weight of their world. People have to learn to fend for themselves. Like I said helping is wonderful, and from a spiritual perspective I feel I should never turn the needy totally away but you have to make boundaries. I do not think you are overreacting. I think you should tell your husband you've just decided you really don't think it's going to work and that you made a mistake. Stop cleaning up after them for a minute or two and let him see the trouble it is to you. You shouldn't be under added stress. Hoping and praying you'll get out of that situation.

Answer

You sound like a really great couple and very kind but honestly we teach people how to treat us. I'm saying that to say they should be cleaning up behind themselves period. Under no circumstances should you or your husband clean behind them. And the fact that violated your loving space by not respecting your home and smoking and drinking and others to do so is unacceptable period. You definitely don't need that stress and headache. I'm with your husband but the law has to be laid. Otherwise time will pass and they will be able to stay with you for free and be supported by a judge because of he length of time and receiving mail. (Depending on where you live. One of my family members couldn't get rid of a jerk because he received mail at her residence for 6 months) but you two should be happy and appreciated for offering to be of help. You need a document notarized and signed stating rules and guidelines so you have protection against any legalities.

Am I overreacting?

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