Dating someone with a controlling parent (long)
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now. (I'm 19 and he's 24). In the very beginning of the relationship I found it kind of weird how a 21 year old didn't have a job yet trying to save up to move out or at least have plans to do so. He was just living at home going to college. Well later on i found out that it's because his dad never let him get a job unless it was in his career field and just never wanted him working while in school (he's a film major and we live in a small city, so it's really hard to find a job in that unless you move away).
Well, that I found kind of weird but just let it go. Then i started noticing that they had really strict family rules, which again I thought nothing of at the time. They would go on a lot of family trips and not really ever hang out with friends because it "conflicted with family time". He also has a savings account which he's not allowed to touch for anything or else he gets kicked out, and since he's never been able to work and save up, getting kicked out is really bad for him.
Well throughout these 3 years, me and him have tried to plan to do things on weekends we both have free from school. But it seems like 9 times out of 10 whenever we try to plan stuff his parents always plan a daytrip family vacation thing and my boyfriend is forced to choose their plans over ours (even if we made ours first) for fear that his dad will get extremely angry and kick him out/disown him. This happens whenever my boyfriend doesn't go with plans his dad makes for him, then his dad blames me for being controlling and trying to ruin their family stuff.
Well this time his dad planned a vacation for him, my boyfriend, and his brother out of state. It was a surprise. But my boyfriend just briefly mentioned maybe not being able to know because he didnt know ahead of time and that's our anniversary and again his dad got really mad and threatened to kick him out/disown him.
Other than this, my boyfriend is perfect and our relationship is great. It's just his dad thats always trying to push buttons then get upset whenever we lash out or threaten to kick his son out whenever he doesnt do something he wants him to do.
I had a controlling relationship with my mother until i finally put my foot down and made her realize what she was doing wasnt right. It wasn't easy but now i have a better relationship with her.
How do i handle this situation? I know its not my battle but it just makes me mad/upset how he's just taken it all this time without ever standing up for himself. Like i said, our relationship is great and i really dont want to end it over something like this.