Ppd confusion

Has anyone just found it impossible to admit they are having problems with anxiety and depression? Like you go to open your mouth and say "no I'm not ok" and your throat freezes or a voice screams don't inconvenience X or Y. You just choke back tears smile and try to deal with the shit yourself? I'm lost in this i find myself crying randomly or panicking over silly situations. I keep thinking say something to your doc but it's like i can't and the only joy i find is in my son.