I was strong today.
I want to get this out there, even if I'm the only person who reads this. Today my fiancé tried to get a rise out of me. He told me all the girls he's had sex with, described how hot they where and how they went on to be models. He told me all the things he could have done if he hadn't fallen in love with me, he questioned himself as to why he was even with me, a "good girl" who didn't know how to have fun because I plan on finishing college. he told me how lucky I was that he didn't leave me sooner for wanting to wait so long before loosing my virginity to him. He told me how much he just wanted to be drunk and high, but wouldn't because he knew I liked him sober sometimes.
Guess what? I stayed strong! I sat there and told myself he is trying to upset you, don't give him the satisfaction. Which is the first time I've done this. His is the first time I've chosen what hurts and doesn't hurt me. And I can honestly say I'm proud of myself.
So today, I'm not going to cut myself, I'm not going to be jealous of his past. I don't care who he fucked, none of them are me, and even if they are more attractive, I don't live to be pretty, I live to kick ass and take names and that's what I've done in my life. Plenty of guys would be lucky to have me. I'm not going to hurt myself today. I am strong, I will be strong. I am beautiful and capable and I will not be shaken❤️.
UPDATE***
Thank you ALL for your input, advice, and support. I'm literally in tears right now and I have read every single comment. It's made me feel so much better and so glad there are such strong women here on eve❤️. So I punched my fiancé in the face... And he took it and didn't say anything. ( he knew he fucked up) it felt so amazing I've never done anything like that before lol. I wish that just getting up and leaving was so simple an option..He just told me that he suffers from borderline personality disorder, and severe anxiety, and that sometimes it makes him say things he doesn't mean. He has NEVER told me this before but it makes sense now. Still I told him he can't abuse me like this regardless of his conditions it WILL NOT be an excuse. I decided to tell him to get treatment before we reevaluate our relationship. But I'm not going to tolerate it. Thank you all so much you really do not know how much you have helped me. If anyone would like to message me and talk or needs support I would be glad to help or just talk to you. I haven't been cutting but I'm getting better at knowing my worth and I hope none of you ever forget how amazing you are.❤️
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