Should I try again? (please read it all, I know it is long but it's very important to me)

Hi girls I wanted to tell you about a 'relationship' I had and hear your voice.

So it was last summer whan I was 15 years old who wanted a boyfriend, was curious to learn about sexuality and had no sexual experience in her past (all of these are almost still true about me).

That boy and I started to text (a lot). We were texting every night and he always made me laugh so what can I say... I fell in love 💘

I must say we never talked on the phone!

We always talked about meeting omly two of us (we first met on a sports teams where the boys and girls trained in the same pool separated). After about 3 weeks of texting we met and we were together for about 4 hours.

I came to his house and we were alone in his room. First we watched a comedy movie, I laid my head on his leg and patted his inner thigh and he patted my waist (I wore an open back shirt). The movie ended and I got a phone call so I got out of bed to answer and in the meantime he laid downoon the bed and when I ended my phone call he pulled up the blanket and I came next to him and we laid spoons and We put another movie on. I could feel his erection behind me and it turned me on, he hugged me and attached me to his body with his hand and legs (amazing). He cared about me and after a while he gently moved his hand from my belly to my boobs and asked me if it is okay, and of course I allowed him (already said I wanted him and his touch...). We stayed together like this and I wanted more and more (nothing more happened) but I was upset that we started touching each other bodies and intimate places before we even kissed. So I found myself not enjoying him and over thinking.

So i told him we weren't talking at all and it isn't feel right to me so we talked for about barely 30 minutes (it wasn't a flowing conversation and he often touched his phone. It felt even more wrong for me after the conversation and he tried to convince me to come back next to him like we did before. I made an excuse and told him I must go to my friend and told him goodbye.

He felt something was wrong and texted me, I told him what didn't feel right for me and he said that he had fun and if I did too so everything else doesn't matter. I said I had fun to and moved on.

We kept texting as usual and met again. On that meeting we sat together in the evening at a park near to his home and (l was shocked about this) we talked for 3 hours and it was so nice. I really wanted him to kiss me andgave him a lot of clues and looked him deeply in the eyes, however he didn't kiss me..

In the end of the meeting I felt good and almost satisfied.

So we kept texting and he made me happy.

Next time we had time together was on a travel of the sports club where we trained. We did kayaks in the river and I started in a boat with the girls but all the way was with him and we had much fun. He even bought a photo of our kayak and sent it to me. And in the bus on our way home we sat together and laughed a lot.

On the next they he text me that he dreamed about me at night and said he dreamed we kissed 😍💘. He made me so happy that day.

After a while a friend of mine told me another girl has kissed with him (I didn't mention that we didn't tell to our mates about us since we weren't a couple yet and nothing was really serious). She said that after the kayaks she started talking to him and they met and kissed (many times).

I texted him that there are rumors about them and he didn't verified but didn't denied. I told him I care about him and us, and I believe you understand how this conversation went on. In the end I told him he should take his time and decide which of us will be the one.

In the next day he texted me he chose her and he truely cares about and want us to keep in touch (oh really...?).

The next couple months was on and off since I was broken and he moved on and talked to me as his friend and I couldn't do the same...

One day he texted me saying he dreamed about me, I told him it is not appropriate since he has a girlfriend (I don't know what he dreamed) and he didn't understand and I was so amotional and insulated so I was quite a bitch and told him I dreamed about him but it was 6 months ago and I moved on. We haven't texted since that day and I still get to see him from time to time.

On the last month I thought about maybe start this relationship again cause he is someone I feel like I will always love somewhere in my heart and will be attracted to. I talked to my friends and they didn't want me to startoover with him. After thinking about it I decided to drop this idea cause I deserve better.

However, I had a practice and he was there and actually helped my coach and explained me the exercises and I was so attracted to him and it made missing our good times.

I still believe it can work between us but his ex (the one who took him from me without even knowing) is now a good friend of me and in their relationship he wasn't a good boyfriend when they wereaaround other pepole... I want him but he can hurt me so bad.

I know I was in a bad period of time after he hurt me but I can't forget the how happy I was with him, I remember it as one of my best times in all my life.

What would you do?

Thank you all for reading and helping,

Love you all