Love: is it a choice?

Question

A recent conversation on divorce got me thinking. I'm not inquiring about homosexuality versus heterosexuality. I  don't think you choose whether you're attracted to men or women. I'm more interested in whether you think you choose who you fall in love with...and whether staying in love is a conscious decision you make?

Answer

I think it's a choice.

When someone doesn't love you back and treats you poorly, you choose to stop loving them and move on. They will always have a piece of your heart... But you make the choice.

Answer

Interesting topic. I don't think WHO you love is a choice. At least I didn't feel there was any element of choice when I fell for my husband. We were from different countries. He was the most inconvenient person I could've fallen for. I DO think staying in love is a choice. Many people jump ship because relationships change. It's not always going to be rainbows and butterflies - especially when you've been together a long time. I think staying married despite these natural relationship progressions is a choice.

Answer

Love isn't a feeling. You can't choose feelings (usually). You don't choose if a situation will make you feel sad, or happy or concerned. You just feel it.
No, love is an action. Love is something you DO. Love is a choice.
You don't get to choose to whom you are attracted. You just feel it. That's the butterflies in your belly, the giddiness that shows up when you first start dating that REALLY attractive guy. But it's not love, it's just a feeling. A feeling over which you have no control.
The love shows up when, no matter how frustrating the other person is, no matter how angry you feel at the moment, you both still lay your differences aside, humble yourselves and serve each other because you promised that you would. Love is always, always a choice- and it's usually a hard choice to make.
In my opinion, there is no "falling out of love". That's not real. The passion will leave, the giddiness you felt as you said "I do" at the alter will fade away, but don't confuse the lack of passion and giddiness for a lack of love. The "we just fell out of love" excuse makes it look like you had no say in the matter, it makes you look like a victim. When in reality, you CHOSE not to love that person, and they chose not to love you.
Every marriage, every friendship, every relationship with every parent can thrive if we CHOSE to love eachother constantly, instead of hinging our "love" on a mere feeling that comes and goes like a wave in the ocean.

Answer

Love is a little like sexuality in that you can embrace it or repress it. I think people often confuse that repression as it not exsisting in either example.

Answer

I'm not sure that everyone experiences love in the same way so I don't think there's one answer. I'm a very logic driven and practical person and for me I think it is a choice. I understand that not everyone thinks in the same way I do though. Having seen others fall in love and stay with someone in situations where it defies all reason and logic, I'm inclined to think that for some it isn't a choice and is something they don't have a lot of control over.

Answer

I've been sitting here for about 5 minutes thinking about it and I honestly don't know. I think it's dependant on a lot of factors. I mean in a sense I think maybe it is a choice. Is this applicable to just romance or like family love too? Because I know I don't love certain family members because of their actions and that's because I've chosen to not love them... So maybe it is a choice? I don't know. This is hard 😂

Answer

I believe in different kinds of connections so I'm going to say *sometimes* for instance, I believe there are those connections that you just can't help but fall for the person, the connection is consuming and instant, just kind of happens. Magnetic and soul mate like- like you've known this person before. These kinds of attractions are the dangerous ones though because this is how people end up falling for someone who's not good for them, they just "can't help it"... Then there are the kind of connections where you meet a person, have a lot in common with them, really really like them as a person and chose to take the relationship further but there is no *instant* feeling like you belong together, you build up to that. I believe these kinds of connections are the most healthy and stable though because you have more control over when to walk away if things get rough, you still keep your sense about you. Kind of a weird take on it, but this has been my experience.

Answer

I'm unsure, I chose neither are choices because when I think about it I never chose to love my SO, I just did, I fell in love. Totally willing

Answer

I used to think obviously you didn't chose to live someone, but I now believe that you don't choose to fall in love with someone, but you do choose to continue loving them.
I heard about some study of married couples and many of those who had been through a divorce said essentially that they chose to not try to love their partner anymore, while those who has had struggles all the same but stayed together said it was because they chose to try to live the other till, no matter how hard it was or how much they felt like they didn't love them. I think it's more about choosing to stay by someone until you can learn to love them again as much as you once had. I feel this way with the person I love, they've given me many opportunities to leave and give up on them, but I chose not to, even when they make me incredibly angry and sad and frustrated, because I believe one day it'll get easier. 
Obviously things will be different for different people, some people may not have to chose to continue to love and it may come easily, others may just fall out of love and cannot find it again no matter how hard they try. But I do believe that to an extent, continuing to love someone is a choice.

Answer

I feel to some extent you do choose to love that person...I mean you obviously don't exactly get to to choose if you have a connection with someone but everything after that is something you are choosing todo. You choose to put effort into the realationship. You choose to stay with that person. You choose to make that person a priority and many many other things. All these things will eventually (if reciprocated) will usually make you feel loved and so in the end yeah I definitely think it is a decision...

Love: is it a choice?

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