If there is anything you can say to stop me crying

Sorry to be a big sook and call on help but I dont want my SO to feel too sad about this. I have been trying with no luck for 21 months now. I feel so defeated now. My af is due in 5 days and i can alread feel the pre cramps. I tested this morning and bfn of course. We both tested and everything is normal. Am i just such a bad person? I have never hated myself so much. I feel like it will never happen....