a VERY long but meaningful post.. I'm sorry..

Hey ladies,
So right now, things have been rough for me the last few weeks. The last few days I've been overly emotional (thanks AF, you bitch) & it's been putting a dent on my day to day life. I'm in a relationship that's fairly new. With fairly new relationships comes problems that arise with getting to know eachother. The last few days I've felt like something is off. My boyfriend has a VERY stressful job that makes him pull 24-48 hour shifts. Our time together is valuable because he live an hour and a half away from me. So tonight, I brought it to his attention that I feel like something is wrong that he just wouldn't bring up to me. He told me he feels smothered. Mind you, he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I have NEVER been in a relationship like this before. He treats me so well. But that's besides the point. I apologized repeatedly. I'm human. I am a woman. & I fuck up. Like everyone else does. I'm not perfect. He then proceeds to tell me he doesn't know anymore. I feel like I'm about to lose him. He told me as long as I'm happy he'll be unhappy. Which I mean what the fuck? Why are YOU unhappy? I'm trying to make things better. I have cried the last two nights feeling like a failure in our relationship. There is a problem that isn't even supposed to be there. I apologized over & over that my intentions were to make him happy. & I have agreed to back up & let him breathe. I don't pay attention to what I do sometimes. The last time we had a problem, it was because I brought up marriage & having kids. 🙄 Dear God,  all I said that's what I wanted one day. & yes, I said hopefully with you. That made him uncomfortable. I get it. But when there is a problem, it needs to be addressed properly. I can't read minds, I can't fix something if it bothers him & I don't know what the cause of it is. I feel like I was pulling teeth to get him to talk to me. He told me cares about me, very much. He's about to go into the Air Force, & like I said, he works a VERY stressful job. So I understand where he comes from. 
Ladies, I am not perfect by any means. I wear my heart on my sleeve. With him as my boyfriend, I will do anything & everything. I cry. ALOT. That's because I have a huge heart. I mean damn. I have told everything to him that I have written in this post. I can't lose the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. 
My best friend lives 3 hours away, & I'm not able to call her because she goes to college. & man I need her. I can't stop crying & all I want is someone to reassure me everything will be ok. 
Tonight, he didn't even tell me loved me when we got off the phone. That bothers me to high Heaven & he knows that. Last time I brought that up him he got really upset. So this time, I didn't even bother him because he needs his space. I'm hurting. Please. Don't jump on me for this. I really need a listening heart. What am I doing wrong & will this get better? 

Glow Resources

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

Glow helps you navigate your fertility journey with smart tools, personalized insights, and guidance from medical experts who understand what matters most.

25+ million

Users

4.8 stars

200k+ app ratings

20+

Medical advisors