for the first time mom who isn't getting her way...

- doing super hippie preganancg yoga and trying to spitruually connect to my baby while she was still in the womb 

- having a super cute gender reveal

- finding a unique name and keeping it top secret until she was born

- making the best registry with all the new innovative things for baby

- having the perfect Pinterest worthy shower

- getting the best ultrasound pics to show off 

- designing a nursery fit for the royal baby

- having a completely natural birth where I catch my own baby and bring her gently into the world

Things I think matter now that my baby is born

- her being healthy and happy

My pregnany and birth didn't go as planned. All FTMs will learn that you don't get your way. The universe laughs at you everytime you think you can perfectly execute your plan for growing and having your baby. I didn't do an ounce of yoga after my second trimester, I never felt connected to my daughter while she was in the womb, my mother wasn't as excited about the gender reveal as I thought she would be, my ultrasound pics looked kinda weird, my husband let our name slip and I cried about it for roughly a week, my surprise shower ended up being at a restaurant I totally hated, I had to be induced and had multiple interventions ending in me getting an epidural and finally I got a second degree tear and major hemroids. 

My point in telling you this is to let you FTMs know it's okay to not have the pregnancy or birth that you wished for. It's okay to feel bad when you look at moms on instragram who look flawless at 40 weeks and seem to have it all together, it's okay to be disappointed in your baby shower or to feel defeated when your birth plan goes right out the window. But know that when that baby is placed on your chest for the first time none of these superficial things will matter. I look back fondly on my pregnancy even though I thought it would go totally different. All that matters to me now is that I have a beautiful daughter that i love more than anything in this world and she makes me so so happy.