Stupidity? or just desperate??

Question

I really don't understand the reason why women get cheated on. Like do you just not feel those vibes from your man?? Personally I've never been cheated on. I've been with my man since I was 15, he was 16. We're very connected, we have all the same views, we both are very sexual with eachother, we balance eachother, we are always on the same page when it comes to parenting our 3 year old son. In one word, were infatuated with eachother. In every way possible. Life feels soooo good with him. And I can feel how happy he is as well. Our lives only get better and better every month passing.. Our days are spent teaching our son love and self respect. Id like to think we're open minded hippies😂 ALL of our friends in high school always said we needed to chill and live before we settle down with eachother. We never saw us as too young or not experienced enough for life's struggles. We just always got through everything because we had eachother.. We are still friends with most of those same friends today.. (I will be 23 in July and he will be 24 in April) a lot of those friends got married and started trying to have a family right after jaime and I become pregnant in 2012. I never understood why they thought it was a race? That's how all these women acted. These couples are a few years older than my man so they're about 26 or so. And now jaime and I are closer than ever and all our friends are getting divorced with 2 kids or more.. It breaks my heart seeing my friends who were so perfect years ago, totally lose respect for one another.. They cheat on eachother, they lie constantly.. I guess what I want to know is what makes people THINK they're in love when down the road it's very clear that was never the case? How do people really fake it?? I'm in shock as to why people would want to lie about a SO or their lives together just to make another jealous or feel not enough in their own relationship. I'm not referring to myself, I'm BEYOND happy and in love with everything about my life and my relationships. But damn this is so heart breaking to hear my kids friends parents will never be together again... What makes the heart think they love someone?

Answer

I don't think people fake it? I can tell you I was the same way with my husband we were perfect never fought joked around did everything together just like you said and I found out he had almost a double life. We were together all the time except when he was away for the military which is when things would happen he would fly girls to wherever he was he would he had hidden dating profiles and everything and it's not that I was stupid at all or faking to love him I believe he did love me he just had no self control. You said should women get a feeling? Not really when you fully trust someone you trust that they aren't lying to you and they wouldn't do that so what would make you have a bad feeling if they weren't acting weird? Coming from someone who has been dealing with my husband having an affair while I was pregnant your post is a little naive and insensitive basically saying the woman is stupid for not realizing their man is cheating or that it wasn't love it was being "fake"

Answer

This post is giving off some arrogant and ignorant vibes. I don't think anyone goes into a serious relationship intending to sabotage it. Nor is the cheatee to blame because they were "stupid" or "desperate". Shit happens, and some couples can thrive through it, other people decide to give up and go another direction. Not wanting to be married makes choosing the latter easier.

Answer

I agree with you not linking how some relationships are now but no relationship is perfect, and it seems to me like you are saying you have the perfect relationship? and it's not really my business either how other relationships go but I have girlfriends who have cheated on their boyfriends in the "happiest" of relationships, and boyfriends never found out. Sometimes you just will never find out. Some relationships don't have trust. Some people have attachments and not real love every one is different. To ask how do women get cheated on will make someone who has been cheated on for no reason feel like she was doing something wrong when in reality she hasn't.

Answer

I agree with Megan you sound immature but I do get kinda what you mean I think. I'm more connected to my boyfriend than I have ever been with anyone else and it's on a spiritual level which makes our love much more deeper. Every relationship is different. And it's not just men that cheat, women cheat too. It goes both ways dear. I don't get why a woman would cheat on a good man? Now that's a real question

Answer

The first thing that comes to mind is that most people put their best face forward when developing a relationship instead of being your authentic self right from the beginning. I think this is a very important thing in relationships because if you are your authentic self right from the beginning, then that's who a person needs to accept. If you are covering your bad qualities in the beginning and putting only your best face forward it's not the real you. You may go along with what a person says even though you may not fully agree. When you want a person to like you so much, you might hold very loosely to your values in order to develop a relationship with them. Then after a year or so, you will remember that you had your own values and start disagreeing with the ones you initially accepted. For example, a woman who is now thinking about leaving her husband because he won't quit smoking. He did it in the beginning, she didn't like it but decided to be cool with it for the sake of the relationship, but now it's not OK anymore. She blamed smoking for destroying her relationship because she can't control him or make him change. If she had stuck to her core values to know that smoking is not something that would be acceptable to her in the long run, it would've saved her a lot of grief. We want to see the good in people so badly, that we are willing to stray from our own truth and it causes suffering when we realize that other people cannot be controlled by our feelings. The other thing is, I think people are a bit confused about what love is. After the infatuation stage ends, where it's super easy to be in love, it then becomes a conscious choice and decision you make to continue to stay infatuated and love the person you're with everyday. Some people don't realize it takes that effort and just think the love is gone without realizing that neither party are actually making the effort to truly love one another.

Answer

Honestly I cant really speak on why people cheat because I never have but I see why people stay together because they love each other but are not in love. Which is why they choose to remain together even though the love is lost they look for others probably because their unhappy and everyone wants to feel loved and if they don't especially in today's day they look for another person to give them what they want.. which is extremely unfortunate but to be honest it's better to go their separate ways because it hurts more to stay in a relationship when it starts involving other people. Everyone gets comfortable with their significant other it's hard to keep love alive if it's dying it takes a lot of effort people are too quick to take the more convenient way of dealing with their relationship by looking for other new options then fixing their own issues in their current relationship

Answer

As for the gut feeling… I don't really think it's anyone's fault. We are actually raised in our culture to pretty much ignore our intuition. I think that sometimes people do overlook negative qualities and things that otherwise might cause them to say hey maybe this person isn't right for me. We ignore these things, red flags, and intuitive feelings because we don't trust ourselves. We think well what if I'm wrong and this turns out to be the best person in the world. I think people do need to become more aware of their intuitive feelings and ignore them less.

Stupidity? or just desperate??

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