best friend troubles- need womanly advice.
My 'best friend' and I have been friends for nearly 8 years. There have been a TON of changes with the both of us over the last two years, but mostly with her life: she broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years almost 2 years ago. This Boyfriend happens to be a very good friend of my husband. She got over that relationship and eventually met and married her current husband. They have a son together now who is 5 months old... they bought a house and she quit her job to stay at home with her son. As for me: I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant with our first baby. (That's really all for my big life changes these last two years). The troubles in our friendship started basically when she met her now husband and got pregnant with her son. Basically she stopped reaching out to me or trying to plan anything with me. I carried on with our friendship and paid special interest in making effort to see her and spend time with her but these lunch dates etc started to become few and far between and when we did get together, it was like we weren't ourselves or genuine with one another like we were before... Let me back up by saying that we have NEVER really fought or argued with one another when we were closer friends (when her and her past Bf and me and my hubby would always hang out)... now throughout her pregnancy and now that she's had her son we hardly see each other and it's becoming an issue for me...
I hosted her baby shower and it went well. I think she genuinely enjoyed it and was thankful. We were on good terms then. But now, I have only really seen her and her son about 3-4 times since he's been born. I reach out to make plans, and we do make plans, but then the day of or the day before she texts me with a string of reasons why she mighhhhttt have to reschedule or push off our plans because of either family things going in, her being tired from running errands all morning, or her sons sleep schedule. To be fair, I have had to rechecked twice because of me being sick and not wanting to her her son sick... so it's not ALL her BUT I feel like I have legit reasons to reschedule or cancel. Her reasons are due to her poor planning and running errands the day we were supposed to hang out (when she is a stay at home mom and I'm only off one day a week to have leisure time with friends etc..- couldn't she have run errands the other four days that week and not canceled with me..??). This has happened at least 3 times.
NOW, she is hosting my baby shower and I have her my guest list. She saw the name of her ex's gf on my guest list (they've now been dating 1.5 years and I have become close to her) and she expressed her concern to me the last time we met up which was 1 month ago that she was okay that the girl was coming but didn't like the fact that her ex bf was also invited (I'm having a co-Ed shower) and that she didn't know "what to do" about it. I basically told her to put her big girl panties on because I'm not changing the guest list and that she and her ex have their own separate lives now and that although I understand her feelings this shower isn't about her. I also told her that it's a shower for my husband just as much as it is for me and he has every right to have his friends there. We left it at that.
Now we basically haven't spoken since this (a few texts here and there--all superficial stuff) and I'm seeing all this new stuff going on in her life on social media-- a new company she is starting etc, and I just can't help but feel left out. I have asked her and her hubby to go to dinner with my hubby and she's yet again making reasons why she might not be able to do it. I have told her plenty of times I'd be willing to just go to her house and hang it with her and the baby and bring lunch to them, or even go run errands with her. I just want to spend TIME with her like we used to... but these all get pushed back with excuses or whatever. I realize she is a mom now, and I'm about to be a mom.. I realize The frequency at which we hang out may certainly change (as it DEFINITELY already has) when you become a mother, and What we do when we see each other may change, but the fact that we hang out doesn't have to change...it's like she's trying to let go of our friendship but not directly do it. I'm tired of extending the olive branch for nothing in return.... honestly this 'freindship' is causing me more stress than it's worth at this point...
Just not sure what to do. I texted her this AM asking her if she could confirm if they can go to inner with us this weekend and yet again, it's some weird long text message about her baby's sleeping shcedule and that it would probabaly be to much for her mom to try to put him to bed....I understand her son is more important than dinner plans.. duh. I get that.. but there is no reciprocation of alternative ideas on her end.... I basically feel pushed aside as if she doesn't value our friendship.
Then I texted back that I wanted to come up to her house today to speak to her in person about our friendship and what's going on-- but no text back. I value our friendship enough not to let it crumble over a series of text messages and feel we need to sit down and have a full on Dr Phil conversation about our feelings and expectations etc, but it doesn't look like she feels the same way. She still hasn't gotten back to me....
Advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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