Step parenting help. Getting stepdaughter to sleep in her bed, potty training, pacifier. Advice?

Question

My stepdaughter is 3 and will be 4 this year. She starts preschool this year as well. Except she isn't potty trained. Her daddy and I work with her at our house and she'll use her potty and wear panties instead of diapers. We've spoken with her bio mom, who said, "I haven't been working with her at all. She thinks pee is poop and poop is pee and she's just got it all confused, so I haven't been working with her." She also still has her pacifier at her moms. We don't give her one here and she Cries for it sometimes, but we tell her "big girls don't have pacis." But her mom gives her one anytime she cries. It's so frustrating. She also wants to sleep in our bed because she does with her mom, which puts me out in the floor, and I'm pregnant, about to pop. We got her a big girl bed pushed up right beside ours. How can we get her to sleep in it? How can we help her when her mom won't?

Edit: Her mom says "I don't want her to have buck teeth," and asked us, "can you guys help me get her off the paci?" And we told her she doesn't have one at our house, and the next time we picked her up, she handed my husband a paci and said, "here's one for your house." He told her, "she has them but I don't give them to her." Then when we drop her off, she'll cry for her paci And her mom will say "you're a big girl you don't need one but I'll give you one anyway." And idk if she realizes she can't send her kid to school in diapers... 🙄

Answer

She's probably so confused. You, your husband, and her mom need to get on the same page. I'm trying to nicely say her mom needs to step up and do what's right for her daughter. Does her mom realize she won't be allowed at school if she's not completely potty trained? And that pacifiers at that age can cause lasting dental issues?

Answer

She cannot send her child to school not potty trained. She is neglecting her child by pacifying her and treating her like a baby. She is better off with you and dad because bio mom doesn't know what the hell she's doing obviously.

Answer

I'll just say right here my directors child wasn't off the paci until five. She's now in school with a speech problem and it actually ruined her teeth to where she had to have a lot pulled and capped with the ones still in. I'd say it's time for a firm conversation. I even tell this to parents that if they aren't helping me potty train why should I do it all when it's horrible again come around mon. Same with paci. Why should I have to hear your child scream all day and you don't?

Answer

She needs to get on the same page. I don't want to be dramatic, but at some point I feel that not helping a child learn normal life skills like going on the potty is neglect. Might be a good idea to try to get custody of the child because you guys seem to be better for her well being.

Unfortunately, you can't change what the mom does at her house ☹️

Answer

When I was getting my son to sleep in his own bed I would wait till he fell asleep and move him to his own bed and he'd sleep there all night. After that I just had to lay by him in his bed till he fell asleep

Step parenting help. Getting stepdaughter to sleep in her bed, potty training, pacifier. Advice?

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