Step parenting help. Getting stepdaughter to sleep in her bed, potty training, pacifier. Advice?

My stepdaughter is 3 and will be 4 this year. She starts preschool this year as well. Except she isn't potty trained. Her daddy and I work with her at our house and she'll use her potty and wear panties instead of diapers. We've spoken with her bio mom, who said, "I haven't been working with her at all. She thinks pee is poop and poop is pee and she's just got it all confused, so I haven't been working with her." She also still has her pacifier at her moms. We don't give her one here and she Cries for it sometimes, but we tell her "big girls don't have pacis." But her mom gives her one anytime she cries. It's so frustrating. She also wants to sleep in our bed because she does with her mom, which puts me out in the floor, and I'm pregnant, about to pop. We got her a big girl bed pushed up right beside ours. How can we get her to sleep in it? How can we help her when her mom won't? 
Edit: Her mom says "I don't want her to have buck teeth," and asked us, "can you guys help me get her off the paci?" And we told her she doesn't have one at our house, and the next time we picked her up, she handed my husband a paci and said, "here's one for your house." He told her, "she has them but I don't give them to her." Then when we drop her off, she'll cry for her paci And her mom will say "you're a big girl you don't need one but I'll give you one anyway." And idk if she realizes she can't send her kid to school in diapers... 🙄