I'm not in the right state of mind anymore and I think I need to be hospitalized. I've had depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder since I was a kid and never gotten help other than once when I found out I have all of this. I was going to counseling and my mom somehow got ahold of my record and all my secrets and punished me for it so I never went back. Anyway I went to counseling last year and didn't continue because I didn't want to deal with my problems but now I'm regretting it. Me and my husband got into a really bad fight like always but this time he said "you're unfit to be a mother and the proof is all over your body. A judge would never let you keep the kids." He was referring to my self harm scars... well I'm so scared to go get help and go admit myself because I'm afraid later on he might use that against me if we ever break up and have a custody battle. I'm miserable and incredibly depressed but I obviously can't go to him for help and like I said I'm scared of loosing my kids. I have a 5 month old and I've never hurt her and never have thought about it but I'm getting so irritated with her very quickly and I'm starting not to care if she's crying and I just get angry. I'm 4 months pregnant and the hormones are making me even worse. I don't know what to do I need advice on what to do I feel incredibly alone. I've started cutting again and my husband is getting increasingly rude to me which doesn't help... I NEED real advice not judgement so if you have anything rude to say just keep it to yourself. I'm not in the right state of mind to deal with MORE criticism.