I'm addicted to porn.
I'm posting anonymously as this is really personal and I am still struggling with accepting it myself.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
I never thought I'd get to this point, where I'm finally acknowledging it.
I found porn when I was around 10 years old. I don't remember how, it just happened, and I was amazed by it. Such a private thing that nobody spoke about, the intimacy, the adrenaline, baring your body and soul to another person, everything about it amazed me and I loved it.
I started masterbating properly around that time as well.
It became a regular thing, I struggled with bullying at school, my parents were arguing, I was suffering with my mental health and that became the only way to calm myself down. The only thing to look foreward to.
I met my boyfriend in school and we've been together for almost 4 years, but he's never made me orgasm. I lie. I hate it, I feel like the shittiest person in the world, but I know that if I tell him he'll blame himself. I know it's not him, it's me.
I can't orgasm unless I'm watching porn. Unless I'm alone.
He hates me watching porn, he gave it up for me years ago, but no matter how hard I try I can't!
I managed for a week, and it was like I was physically craving it. I was cranky, I snapped at everyone.
I always tell myself I'll just watch it once and that will be it, but I always end up watching it again and again, I feel like a horrible human being.
It's got to the point where I'm watching it everyday, sometimes even twice a day. I lied to him and told him I'd only watched it once last week wo he doesn't feel bad.
I don't know what to do.
I feel like a junkie. I didn't think it was possible to become addicted to something like this.
What can I do?
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