life or death
I don't have anyone to talk to about my troubles and pains. I try and be strong but I become weaker and weaker in doing so. My heart aches with pain and sorrow while my eyes cry tears of pain and defeat. My life is nothing of a story book life. I've made many mistakes and more mistakes and regrets ontop of them. I'm a burden and disgrace to many. I have no friends. Family isn't really family. And I have a man I love to no end, death would be my only way not to love him. I try my hardest to make him happy, I fall short every time. I know he loves me but isn't in love with me. I have caused him to much hurt and pain for that. I have two beautiful children whom I love beyond words n Death and they love me equally the same. I'm not a perfect mother and I've made thousands of mistakes, and I'm sure I'll make thousands more. I've tried to give my husband more children but I have fertility issues. He wants more children and we try everyday to get pregnant. Every month I cry and cry and cry because I get negative tests. sure I'm mentally unstable. I can't keep a job even tho very job I have I get employee of the month the first two months I'm there. I snap out and speak without thinking. I react on impulse. I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar. Have deep severe depression. I do have severe anxiety and panic attacks none of which is medicated. Should be but I don't want to be on all them drugs. And my husband don't think they will help. Even tho he tells me I'm mentally unstable. Beyond all the drama and trama I think about killing myself all the time. I can't I don't want my children to grow up without a mother and I don't want my husband to be disappointed in me. I'm sorry for my post. I had a moment and needed to get everything off of my chest and clear my mind, so maybe I can start to feel better and heal. If you believe in God can you please pray for me. If you don't believe in God can you please keep me in your positive thoughts. Sorry to have bothered you all with my negativity and pity. Bless everyone and baby dust to all.
Update: my husband supports me he is nothing but supportive of me n treats me right. he just don't believe in medications like xanax and stuff like that helping because it's very addictive and people change and turn to addictive behaviors with those types of drugs. I've been on meds before and I became a person neither of us recognized and turned to the addictive behaviors. and he is dealing with the fact that I've cheated on him several times in the beginning of our relationship that's why I know his love isn't where it should be. It's growing just not fast enough for me. I do have a problem loving myself. I worry about everyone else other then myself. Yes he wants more children, as do I. He doesn't bash me or say bad things to me bc I'm not getting pregnant. We have 1 child together. He supports me when I'm down bc I'm not getting pregnant we're both working out eating health losing weight and taking vitimas to become healthier in hopes that it will help us since we have both gained weight. I need to defiantly learn how to love myself. Thank you all for your responses n prayers n thoughts.
Comment
Add Comment
Let’s Glow
Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy
Glow helps you navigate your fertility journey with smart tools, personalized insights, and guidance from medical experts who understand what matters most.
25+ million
Users
4.8 stars
200k+ app ratings
20+
Medical advisors
