I broke up with him about a week ago after 3 weeks of going back and forth about it because I was denying the fact that he was extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive. After denying and minimizing this fact for the 8 months that we were dating, it  caught up to me and all at once, I was unhappy and anxious in the relationship and couldn't express my love to him anymore because it just wasn't there. Even then I tried to minimize his behavior towards me, trying to pin my anxiety on something else, going back and forth between what my mind wanted me to do (get out and be free) and my heart (work this out and stay with him). It was like I forgot some of the things he did/said to me all throughout the relationship and when I finally started to dig all of that up, it triggered my panic attacks which I haven't had for 3 years. My family and friends urged me to start focusing on myself. I was losing weight, my anxiety was so bad like it was 3 years ago, I was so conflicted by the whole situation.