Sometimes I wish I didn't have a kid...
Does that make me a horrible mom? Not that I wish my baby didn't exist because I love her and she's my little best friend, I love her so much and love spending time with her and love being her mom. But I miss having free time.... and miss being able to leave the house without dealing with her screaming in the car, or having it interfere with nap time. I miss being able to SLEEP the whole night and not be up at 3 am and I miss being able to nap or rest when I want. I miss being able to go out with my friends. I miss socializing with adults. I miss being able to eat without her grabbing for my food. I miss being able to just hang out and do nothing.
I guess it's normal but it really hits me hard being a SAHM... I'm alone with her all day until 6ish. I run out of things to do. I live in the middle of nowhere where it's 100+ degrees so we can't just like go for a walk in the park. Getting her in the car is so much of a hassle and getting her to nap takes a half hour and she screams so I can't just get her to nap in public lol. So joining a mom group seems like more trouble than it's worth..
I feel selfish for feeling this way. I knew what I was getting into having a baby, I guess I just didn't really picture it to feel so isolating and boring. Most days I only say a few words to an actual adult. It's just getting hard. My days feel meaningless and pointless. I'm starting to dread each day unless my husband is home. I just don't feel anything anymore besides love and also frustration for her
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