Body Dismorphia?

Question

lately I've been pretty obsessed with my physical appearance. to the point that I feel people think less of me because of my weight and I've even fantasized about being strong enough to go through with an eating disorder. I know I could never starve myself or anything, and I couldn't put my family through that. I'm just disgusted that I weigh 204 pounds at only 5'6. some days I feel like a look like a cow, and some days I feel like I don't look like I weigh 204 pounds. does anyone out there who suffers with body dysmorphia know if it goes back and forward like this?

his?

Answer

I would see a nutritionist, but only if you can do so from a place of self care and self love and wanting to be healthy. They can probably point out things you can sustainably change to eat better - which will make you feel better, have more energy etc whether or not you lose any weight! And exercise is good too if you enjoy it, again for health (def does not have equal power to a healthy diet in weight loss but do it anyway). Remember with all of this, the more you can do it from a place of care for yourself and self compassion, the more effective it's going to be… If you doing out of self-hatred and wanting to change Who you are, not only is it less effective but you may never be satisfied… Best of luck!

Answer

I feel the same way. It's a battle I still haven't learned to deal with. I recovered from anorexia and now I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. I hate every inch of what I look like. 
I have no idea how to deal with it, and it certainly didn't help by "forcing myself to go to the gym." That made it 100x worse for me with everyone else there and then I became obsessed with calories and counting how much I burned and consumed until I just stopped consuming and only burned calories. 
I am sorry you're going through this