I don't feel in control of my life

I'm on birth control to avoid pregnancy but I am only doing it for my SO and my Mother, I still live under her roof and I am older than high school. ANYWAY I am doing this for my SO because he is not ready for a child just yet and for my mother because she wont let him come over unless I am on birth control. Whatever sacrifices are made for relationships. The birth control is making me so bloated and making me gain weight, it has mainly had negative effects on my physically I always feel sick like i have the flu. I personally am so so ready for a child but I cant have one yet because of what I already said. I feel so depressed and down all the time because I don't agree/believe in birth control in the first place and because I want a baby so much. I guess I am ranting but I am so sad