Feeling so devastated

Another month and still no baby, we lost our baby in November and just getting AF to come was hard, now my second month and AF is back. I'm only having light spotting now but I know what's to come. I just want a baby why is it so hard. To top it off My best friend is pregnant and I'm planning her shower. I'm broken inside and don't know how to fix it. I feel like my body is letting me and my husband down. Please send baby dust my way.