Seriously don't want to be pregnant anymore

So I'm almost 37weeks pregnant and seriously down. I can't say anything to my other half as he jumps down my throats whenever I try and express my feelings. I guess it's probably the pregnancy talking but his the one that wanted this baby and yet his taken very little interest in it.

There is a part of me right now that wishes I didn't go through with the pregnancy and instead pursued competing with my horse and enjoying my life how it was. I know, way too late now and when baby comes I am sure my feelings will change no end. I already have a son that I adore and I'm looking forward to the adventures this one will bring.

Maybe I just don't know whether I trust in my relationship. Since we have been together in the early days he cheated and lied frequently and who knows he probably still does and since that happened there is no tenderness, compassion I don't feel loved. He provides for me and I think this is the way he shows love. I seriously think intimacy, flirting without being gropey is beyond his emotional capabilities.

I feel stuck and annoyed. He was always desperate to have a child of his own and because of how he keeps me, letting me enjoy my hobby without the responsibility of working (although I am a housewife, he literally does nothing around the house unless bullied) I wanted to show him that I could make sacrifices for him too.

Since being pregnant his best friend has come to live with us which was find to start with but now I feel uncomfortable in my own home. We argue as we both want his friend to leave but he can't understand until I actually have confirmation that he is I don't believe he will. While there is not proof his making plans to love on I do want to voice my opinion sometimes and would love him to be understanding and not just get angry with me.

I want my relationship to be loving and supportive but I feel completely alone and broken.

How do you bring a baby into that situation... how will we ever last if I feel like this without the baby here

Is it just the fear of the future, fear of the unknown , is it just a pregnancy panic, emotional rush.

Am I just being greedy missing riding, hating my body??

Sigh 😔

All I know is I would really love this baby to come soon.

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