All I can think about lately is how bad I want to start a family. And when I say lately I mean the last year and a half. My depression and a suicide attempt has kept me from college. I've completed two years but I'm about 3 years behind. My fianceé hasn't completed school yet. We aren't exactly working well paying jobs. It costs an arm and two legs to live where we do. So we are in no way equipped to have a baby right now. Hell, we still have a wedding to pay for. So I just sit here, watching my friends graduate college, watching my cousins and coworkers have their babies, watching everyone live the life I wanted to be living by this point. And I'm just so frustrated because I never thought I was going to live to this point. I was sure that last suicide attempt was going to be the end of it all but it wasn't. I never saw myself growing up. I never saw myself as an adult. I never planned for it. I was never mentally prepared. I didn't want it. I didn't want to live. I truly thought I would have actually successfully killed myself by now. So now here I am. Floundering. And wanting a baby I can't have.