Starting to Heal

I was unbelievably thrilled to find out I was pregnant. I was a bit scared since it was my first time pregnant. I told my husband and so began our journey. My first ultrasound suggested I was 6w3d rather than 7w3d that I thought I was. The nurse practitioner was concerned that the FHR was only 117 and not in the 120+ranges. I told my husband all about the appointment and we remained positive even though I had a f/u ultrasound to make baby was growing proper. We get the the appt. and shortly into the ultrasound I could tell there's something wrong. She couldn't detect the hearty beat & asked if I'd had any bleeding. Instead of taking us back to the lobby - the ultrasound tech took us to the practitioners office. That news made my heart sink and all I could do was think about every thing i did or didn't do &if; that was why I miscarried. After listening to the options - naturally let my body pass it or schedule aD&C-; i just meekly said I'd think about it. upon getting home i was a wreck. I don't know if my husband really knew how to help me other than to try to hold me and let process as i saw fit. We talked about the options & we decided the surgery option would probably help me heal sooner physically, mentally &. emotionally. I had my procedure & so far it has helped me start to close the chapter of this pregnancy. i know I'll have a few moments of sadness & I'm sure i will for a while. But oddly enough I'm starting feeling hopeful, optimistic and a bit more like myself. I certainly don't feel like I'm ready to tell my friend's about my miscarriage yet. But at least i feel like i can start to interact with them and not be a horrid sobbing mess. That's a small win for the week 😇