Where do I start

Dreva • Maliah & Malakais mommy! Medical assistant. Wrap girl. MN✈️GA

I can't tell if I have baby blues or PPD. To begin with i didn't have a happy pregnancy. I didn't even tell ppl I was pregnant until I was almost 5 months. Now my son is almost 2 months and I feel like a train wreck. Everyday I spend the whole day trying not to cry and have regrets for one thing or the other. I finished school for my MA as well as intern and got hired but I haven't been able to work obviously and it is tearing me apart. Bills, my needs the kids needs you name it. Me and their dad aren't on the best of terms most days I can't tell if we are together or not. living with his parents makes it worse I just want my own space. I wish I could move to my own place with the kids . I could use my own space to cry scram and shout cuz I have a lot in me. I feel alone always. I never liked my body. I can't sleep cuz I'm thinking about everything and lately at night once the kids are sleep i often think about running away even though I love them i'm failing them everyday as a parent. aim just stressed unhappy sad you name it. I dnt have thoughts about killing myself but I often just want to run away