Abortion & TTC

Hey everyone I guess I'm just writing this for myself and to get this off my chest as well as hear some of your opinions or advice. I'm 20 and I have a great boyfriend of 4 years. I got pregnant for the first time last year unexpectedly. I had an abortion because I thought it would be for the best since we're not ready for a child but ever since then I've been so torn up with regret. I can't even look at a pregnant woman or a baby without wanting to cry...I feel like the only way I'll get over it is having a baby of my own. but my boyfriend and I are long distance and do not have a place of our own. I feel like having a baby isnt an option at the moment and I don't know what to do because that's all I want. :/ Has anyone else gone through this? I've been having breakdowns every night and I just want to be happy again..