Help! I'm in love with a narcissist!
So I met this guy 2.5 years ago and in the beginning he was the one who said "I love you" first. As time went on, I started noticing these fucked up behaviors by him. We would have sex then I wouldn't hear from him for 2-3 days. It slowly got to the point where he would push me away only to pull me back in. I wrote this about him and it explains it all. Now before you judge me or tell me to run...that is easier said than done. Until you've dated a narcissist, you will not ever understand the hold they can have on you.
And there he was...
The guy who would make me forget all others, even those that proceeded him.
The one who would break my heart into a million pieces and think nothing of it. The one who would abuse me, in every sense of the word and I, I would beg for more. The guy, who in an instant, could turn my happiness to rage, my love to hate, my Heaven to hell, all with a single word or gesture.
And yet, I wanted him! I could not stop myself from hoping, dreaming, craving him.
So what was the attraction? He was arrogant and nefarious, yet honest and modest. He was confident and fearless; I thought I had finally met my match and then...he took me down.
Without any hesitation or remorse, he would build me up just to break me down. He would hurt me in ways I never knew were possible and make me feel feelings I never knew existed. And the more he pushed me away, the harder I fought to be near him.
He would lie to me just to use me, he would fuck me just to fight with me and he would love me just to hate me.
This guy was either GOD's greatest gift or the devils dirtiest trick...but either way...I had to have him.
I would beg for his time, his energy, his love and in return received only mere seconds of each and only at his convenience.
I was made to believe I was beautiful, that he adored me, even loved me; only to be rushed back to a harsh reality of being nothing more than a mere opportunity, a way to suffice his needs at the moment. Truth be told, I was a useless inconvenience.
I've been giving all of me to a guy who sees no value unless I have more than just me to give him...because to him, I am not the prize, I am solely the game.
I know I need to forget about him and find a real man but I can't seem to let him go. Fuck! What do I do?