Struggling

I eat super healthy and since given birth my son, the scale is only going up. Before pregnancy I was 154. Now I'm 220 lbs. I eat a clean diet. No processed foods and have recently started working out and still no weight loss. I have struggled back and fourth my whole life with skinny and being fat. I'm so so sad and hate my body right now. It's literally mentally exhausting me. I am 9 months pp almost and three kids later. I was 10 months pp after gaining 70-80 lbs with my first before the weight came off and I actually got under the scale from 226 lbs to 175 lbs within a few months. Then fast forward to birthing my daughter, I was about 6 months pp and went from 200 lbs after birth to 144 lbs by the time she was about a 7 months old, I had lost all my weight and even went to my skinniest ever as an adult. Fast forward to present and well I'm back to being fat and the weight won't budge no matter what I do. What would you recommend? I just want to love myself. I got so happy being skinny that now seeing myself once again fat, I'm depressed. It's a never ending battle for me to lose weight or least keep the weight off.